Why I Don't Drive

It’s a reoccurring nightmare of mine.

Driving a car

The brakes don’t work, the car goes too fast, and the steering seems to have a mind of it’s own.

In this last dream I watched as the car crashed and exploded into a fireball.

That’s the kind of stuff that happens when I drive!

And I think I’ve finally cracked the code of why this theme keeps coming up in my dreams. (Yes, I am mildly interested in dream symbolism and interpretation, the jury’s still out on whether I actually believe any of it, but it can bring up some interesting life lessons sometimes.)

See, I’ve always thought these dreams were just more proof of why I should never get behind a wheel.

But maybe the car symbolizes my life and that with me behind the steering wheel, I’m afraid I’ll just mess everything up.

Everything will end up exploding in my face.

The good thing is that these are only dreams, and once morning dawns I can wake up to reality and breathe a sigh of relief.

            I’m not the one behind the steering wheel.

God is.

                         And He’s a way better driver than I am.

HeroScapers

"You can't run when you're holding suitcases
It's a new day, throw away your mistakes
And open up your heart, lay down your guard
You don't have to be afraid

Just breathe, your load can be lifted
There's a better way when you know you're forgiven
Open up your heart, lay down your guard
You don't have to be afraid"

- Dara Maclean, Suitcases

From My Notebook: Solitude

Quietness is fulfilling

Solitude, consuming

Though surrounded by voices

This heart beats alone

No one intrudes

In this perfect solitude

From My Sketchbook: Portrait #4

I went and splurged a bit; bought some new drawing pencils and blending sticks. Now I've got a selection of pencils from 6H all the way to 8B! Also, the blending sticks are new to me, I've always just used my finger in the past; so there's lots of new tools and techniques to experiment with!

From My Sketchbook: A Self-Portrait of the Soul

This is a type of drawing I like to do when I need to relax. Most often I try depict how I'm feeling through lines and colors. This one is an attempt to sum up who I am; so in a way it is a self-portrait of my soul. I don't know what these scribbles would mean to other people, but when I look at this drawing I feel the artwork more than see it; like a really good orchestra piece.
Here's a key of what the colors represent in this artwork for me;

Blue: Melancholy, tears, the sadness of a soul longing for something more
Red: Flares of impatience, anger, frustration
Grey: Depression, soul numbing nothingness
Green: Serenity, peace, contentment
Yellow: Joy, curiosity, laughter, happiness

In a way that yellow circle in the top right corner represents the true essence of who I am, with all the other lines and colors just being extra layers that life has added on.

Thankful: The New Way to Live

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the year. Sure, I love Christmas time and just about every other holiday, but there's something about Thanksgiving that makes it stand out over all the other celebrations. It's the good food with friends and family; the crisp autumn air, the colors of the season, the lack of pressure to give gifts and receive them. It's the focus on being thankful for the things you have, instead of looking to get more, that's so special about Thanksgiving. 

At New Years I gave up making the traditional goals that most people make when I heard about a new way of setting goals. It's where you pick one word that sums up what you want to be that year, then everyday you can start new on the goal of being that word for the day. Last year my word was Fearless, but this year, I chose to have the word Thankful.

There's this book by Ann Voskamp (click for her blog, it's amazing) that I've listened to on audio book; it's called One Thousand Gifts. It's about her journey to find God's peace and joy in the present moment by making a list of one thousand things that she's thankful for. Her story is so inspiring and I would even go as far as to say that it's changed my life; her challenge has sent me on my own mission to let go of my fear and find God in the blessings of the present.

I started my own thousand gift list when I first started listening to the book. So far I'm only to 523, but every once and a while I remember to add to it. Since this challenge goes hand in hand with the Thanksgiving season, I put on a few items from my list below.

22: Crisp black lines of my glasses

Brianna Newman

191: Birds flying

Favim

201: Having a dream

B1nd1

322: Knowing there's an episode of Person of Interest to watch

George Spigot

408: Sweet dreams

Andrew Blackman

512: Having a clean room

From My Notebook: At the Ball Game

I wrote this quite a while ago while sitting at a Twins game; I never pay attention to the actual game. More recently I wrote a longer story at another Twins game about a grounds keeper witnessing a murder in the clubhouse.

“That plane is flying awfully close.” Jim comments to his friend as they sit in the outdoor baseball stadium. 

“I’m sure there’s an airport nearby.” Collin replies. 

“I don’t know…” Jim still is uneasy. He watches as the metal plane comes closer. In an instant Jim realizes something; “Collin, we’ve got to get out of here!” Urgently he tugs at his friend, standing up. 

“What’re you talking about!?  They’re about to strike out this guy!” His friend stubbornly remains sitting. Jim looks up; the deafening roar of the plane fills the air, its metal belly descending upon them like a giant bird of prey. Other people begin to notice this as well. Jim watches in horror as an object is dropped from the plane. 

“It’s a bomb!” Several people begin screaming. Instantly the crowded stadium becomes a mad house as people trample each other, scrambling for the doors. Time slows down for Jim; he just stands there, watching helplessly as the metal object plummets towards the field. He sees people’s horrified faces; panic and fear fill the air. He can’t seem to make out what anyone is saying, the chaos melts down into ominous silence in his head. Collin is screaming something at him. Then he hears it; a high pitched whistling, coming from the bomb as it approaches the earth. Time kicks into hyper speed and Jim drops to the cement floor just as the bomb makes impact. Heat envelopes him, his vision is filled with blinding light.

Jim knew this was the end.

Life in Focus

It was the poster on the wall of the eye clinic; the one that was an advertisement for sunglasses; that was the very first thing I saw when I put my glasses on for the first time.

The one thing that stands out to me is that I discovered there were water droplets on the surface of the sunglasses. It rather startled me; the sudden flood of details that were always just shapes of color before. The woman’s hair, her smile; it was like I was seeing these things for the very first time in my life.

In the car, riding home, I sat in the back seat and looked at the fir trees whizzing by out the window. I could see the leaves and branches; not just a blur of green. Taking my glasses on and off, I was amazed all over again each time at the clarity of details. 

And I wondered; how had life ever seemed normal before these things? How did I live my life in such a blur?

I suppose this could be compared to the way life looks when someone learns about the good news of Jesus Christ for the first time. Since I’ve grown up in a Christian family, I’ve always seen life through the lens of the reality of God’s love, so I have to use my imagination and put myself in other’s shoes to get a view of what life looks like without that lens. 

Everything is blurred and hopeless; and the scariest thing is that the person who’s viewing life like this doesn’t realize that they’re not getting all the details. 

Not until someone else hands them a pair of glasses.

picsbox

From My Notebook: His One Mistake

His One Mistake

Bang, Bang, Bang!

The ball bounces hard on the pavement

Boy’s laughter can be heard

Taunting

Bang, Bang, Bang!

And the memories won’t go away

The boys surround him

Laughing, jeering

Couldn’t they just forget?

That one single mistake on the basketball court

That one day?

The net swishes

The crowd roars

And his teammates turn away

It had been his only mistake

But no, they wouldn’t forget

The chant,

His chant,

They sang throughout the school

Bang, Bang, Bang!

Laughter fills his ears

No one would ever forgive

No one would ever forget

The net swishes

The crowd roars

He couldn’t even forget it himself

The ball bounces tauntingly

Bang, Bang, Bang!

From My Sketchbook: The "Citure" Series

These artworks are all part of an artwork series that I've titled the Citure Series. It got started from an art lesson about a year or so ago that required me to make a small series of related artworks. What in the world does "Citure" mean? Citure is a word I made up combining city and nature together; it captures the essence of this series.

The one on above is the first artwork in this series that started it all. It's done on a Halloween sticky note with highlighters and pen. I just started doodling without any idea of what would come of it; and this series was born from the idea of the two opposite worlds.

 So what is the Citure artwork series all about? It's the combining of the two worlds; city, man-made, modernization with nature, the natural and fresh. These combinations can be either harmonious, or clashing. The artworks are done on normal everyday objects found around the home, adding to the man-made aspect of the series.

This artwork on the right is one of my favorites; done on an old shipping list. This one shows the two worlds as harmonious; the one complimenting the other.

This artwork is now the cover of my transaction register; it shows in the background the hecticness and stress of life, especially in a work office type environment. And over it all is the reminder to breathe, that everything's going to be alright. 

This is my most recent one, done on the back of a birthday card envelope I just got. The butterflies were already on there and I loved them so much that I decided I wanted to make an artwork out of it. The butterflies represent people's souls, soaring above the troubles and "smog" of this world. They're flying to The Sun, where they can find life and rest.

And finally one of my other favorite ones from this series. It's done on a material that's like the back of the cheap notebooks from Walmart.