From My Sketchbook: Portrait #2

This one took a little longer to finish; not because it took me that long to draw it, but that I never actually got around to working on it very often.

From My Notebook: "Sleep Talking to the Pentagon"

Here's another writing prompt I've recently done to try to get myself back into the mood to write (which I haven't done for a while because life likes to get in the way.) This prompt, called "Sleep Talking to the Pentagon" is from Writer's Digest, a large source of inspiration and resources for me. This is what the prompt said; "As a child, you were prone to night terrors, sleep talking and sleep walking. Now as an adult, you have long since grown out of your old habits. That is, until one night. You awake to find yourself in an unfamiliar place on the phone with a Pentagon official."


“Where are you now, sir?” The voice on the other line speaks calmly. Too calmly. He thinks I’m unstable, and right now I’m questioning my own sanity as well.

“I’m sorry…” I pause, embarrassed to go on, “…what was I just saying?” In an empty street, under a flickering light post, standing at an old phone booth; I am completely confused. I don’t know how I got here, and I most certainly don’t know what I was just saying… or to whom. On the other line there’s an uncertain pause.

“A bomb. You said there’s a bomb. Sir, please, where are you?” A bomb, really? That’s what I had just been… oh no, not again. Not another episode; not another night walk, another night talk. I had left those in the past, that’s where they’re supposed to be… not disrupting me here in the present.

I laugh uncomfortably.

“Oh, that! Whatever I just said, scratch it. Haha, it’s a curse really, talking in my sleep!” The silence on the other side doesn’t sound amused. “Listen, whoever you are, I’ve got a bed to get back to!” I hang up. Let’s hope this doesn’t come back to haunt me.

Boasting about my Weakness

There’s this video game, Kingdom Hearts, which I really love and, consequently have replayed at least four or five times. The beginning of it starts out in a dream; the calling to the quest that’s about to begin. Here you make decisions that’ll affect the rest of the game; whether strength, magic, or defense will be the most important and which the least. Near the end of this dream, Sora, the main character, is asked three hard questions. One of those questions is “What are you most afraid of?" There are three options to choose from; getting old, being different, or being indecisive. None of these options are actually fears of mine; so I always put growing old. No one really wants to grow old (at least, that’s the opinion of this teen!)

But it makes me ask myself… what am I most afraid of? Most people would probably say dying, ending up alone, or financial ruin. Those things are all a little scary; but they’re most certainly not my greatest fear. So what is my greatest fear? When I answer that question honestly, the answer is this; it’s being weak. My greatest fear is that I’ll be too weak. It has been ever since I was little. But what do I mean by “weak”? Everything, really; physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I’m afraid I’ll be too weak to endure physical hardships, so that I’ll be considered just another weak girl. I’m afraid I won’t be able to handle emotional stress and I’ll break down and cry. I’m afraid that when the time comes to show where I stand; I’ll be too weak; I won’t say “no.”

 My greatest fear is that when I need to stand my ground and be strong, I’ll fail.

So I train; I make myself strong. I exercise to build my muscles; I wear a mask to hide emotions; I pull away and play it safe. Because I’m afraid I’ll be weak. But there’s something I’ve learned as I’ve grown older; I don’t have to be strong enough. It’s alright to be weak because God is strong enough. He will give me the strength I need when the time comes; I don’t have to be afraid. There’s a verse that I absolutely love; 2 Cor. 12:9

“But he said to me; ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

And that’s what I’m doing; boasting about my weakness. Because it’s not about me, it’s about how great God is! But to tell you the truth, I’ll be surprised if anyone sees this besides me. That’s another big fear of mine, letting people know what’s really going on behind my mask. This kind of writing belongs in my journal, not published for the world to see. But I want to be real with people also; I’m sick of masks. I also want to tell of all the amazing things God is doing in my life. And to do that, I’m going to have to pull away this mask I’m wearing.

Exercise and train

Push limits,

Endure pain

When next time comes ‘round

I won’t be weak,

I’ll stand my ground

Lock the door

Secure my heart

Live in loneliness evermore

When next time comes ‘round

I won’t be weak

I’ll stand my ground

A friend’s smile

Warm hellos

Melt the cold for a while

When next time comes ‘round

Will I be weak?

Will I stand my ground?

From My Sketchbook: The Portrait Project

Call me crazy, but I've decided to draw a portrait of every person that I know. It may be nearly impossible, but I love drawing portraits so I figured that this would be a good way to get better at drawing them. I've started with a self-portrait and will do family members next then go on from there. To keep myself from giving up before I even start, I'm not thinking too far ahead; I'm just taking this one portrait at a time. For privacy reasons, I'll only be posting portraits on here that I get permission from the person in question to do so (and since I'll probably be too shy to tell anyone that I've drawn a portrait of them, it'll most likely only be my family seen on here!)

Watching the Parade Go By

First comes the police cars, lights flashing, escorting several solemn faced veterans carrying flags. Everyone stands as they pass by; the kids know not to be looking for candy just yet. After them comes the fire trucks; making everyone jump each time they sound their horns. Then, when the large trucks full of waving firemen passes by, the real parade begins.

What is it about parades, anyway? They all follow the same patterns, with the same types of floats; and if you go to the same community parade for several years you probably know each float by heart. So what brings people to these things year after year? If you ask just about any kid, they’ll say it’s the candy (that would have been my reply just a few years ago.) Whatever is the case, I know that no matter how many parades I see, I look forward to them every year.

This year I’ve gotten the chance to go to two of them; the one at our old home, that I’ve gone to for as long as I can remember, and one at our new place (I don’t want to even talk about the amount of candy my little sister got from both of them!) After the parade here in our new home, a thought struck me; for all the years we’ve lived in our old community, I never knew a single person in the yearly parade; but after living in our new home for less than a year now, I know a large number of people in this parade. 

Once, when I was a lot younger, I was in a parade. It was for my church’s VBS and I found the whole thing kind of boring. I wasn’t interested in looking out at other people, my cheeks hurt from smiling so much, and I was tired of waving. Plus, one of my best friends was on the opposite side of the float with a large, paper Mache volcano between us (the theme for that year’s VBS was “Lava-Lava Island.") So now when I see a little girl with a drooping smile, I completely understand. I prefer to stay on the spectator’s side of the street.

Note: all the above pictures are from the most recent parade at our new home

This Is Home

I know, this post is just a little bit late (almost a whole year late!), but life’s been pretty busy since the move. Yup, that’s right; My family has moved! Due to an employment ending and another one springing up; my family has followed God’s calling to come down from the suburbs of the cities to the farming country of Minnesota. We haven’t done something drastic like moving to California or anything like that; we‘re still in the same state. My dad’s brother-in-law and nephew had been building a senior living home and wondered if my parents would come and be the care takers of the place. With my dad’s job ending, the offer couldn’t have come at a better time. So here we are, only a few months away from it being a year now and I’m finally making a post about it.

Our house is on the edge of a small town with a small population. The main street is only a few blocks away and there’s only about two or three open businesses on it; the grocery store having closed down a year before we moved here. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining; I think this has been and still is the greatest adventure of my life! As a writer, I find the whole atmosphere of small town life to be inspiring; and when I look out over the endless farmland all around, seeing where the deep blue sky meets the freshly plowed earth, I feel as if anything is possible.

 

 

Do I miss the cities? Not very much. I love the cities, but I also love the country; so I’m happy wherever I am. One thing about the cities I do miss a little is the architecture. The buildings with glass reflecting the color of the sky, the new world of metal blending with the old world of stone; they’re artworks that tower above my head. I admit, I really don’t know much about architecture, and when it comes to drawing it I’m hopeless without a picture reference. There’s just something about being in the downtown area of the cities that makes me happy. If you asked me where I want to live when I‘m older, the instant reply would be New York City; but after a moment of thinking I would add that if I didn’t move anywhere else and stayed right here for the rest of my life, I would be perfectly happy. This is home now.

30 Day Photo Challenge

30 Day Photo Challenge, a set on Flickr.

A couple of weeks ago I finished a photo challenge that I had decided to take. The challenge was to take a photo everyday for 30 days for that day's prompt. Most of them were obvious and easy, such as "something blue" or "sunset." So to add another challenging element, I decided to take each prompt as metaphorically or creatively as possible. Having to force myself to think of a creative photo each day was very simulating for my imagination and the longer I did it, the easier it got to think of an idea. I've put the results of those 30 days onto my Flickr account, in each description you can find which day and what the prompt was for that picture.